I don’t hear people talking about dis-integration.
In the mindfulness and spiritual communities, we are always talking about integration and re-integration. I don’t recall anyone using the term dis-integration. There are many phrases that we use in place of dis-integration such as falling apart, hitting rock bottom, a dark night of the soul, going through a transformation, etc.
I like the word dis-integration right now. For me it embodies so many situations, mindsets, feelings, and states of being.
To me, dis-integrate means...
The process of falling apart from what once was.
The detachment from former circumstances and states of being.
Dissolving old ways of thinking.
Breaking apart and scattering from the life that was.
Becoming completely dismantled.
The dis-integration process can be quick or it can be slow. Minimal pain or excruciating in nature. In most cases, it is never easy and rarely full of joy and pleasure.
To become the up-leveled version of who we are supposed to be, we have to go through the dis-integration process much like the caterpillar must go into his cocoon and dissolve into mush only before he can become the beautiful butterfly.
I believe that we go through many metamorphosis processes in life; dis-integrating into mush and emerging into various forms and shapes of moths and butterflies until we reach the ultimate metamorphosis of death and rebirth into the beyond.
The mush phase of our dis-integration is rarely pretty. It’s usually ugly. We want to hide our pain, suffering, unwanted symptoms, and habits from the world. We feel scared and full of shame, anger, and guilt. It is natural to want to go inward and protect ourselves from our perceived weaknesses.
I say that you must go inward.
The only way to transform is to go inward.
To be with the pain, the suffering, the unwanted symptoms, the unwanted behaviors, and get curious.
Ask why these things are happening. Make space for them to play out. Dance with the partner of ugliness and pain. Learn her language and what she’s trying to tell you.
If the caterpillar fought fabricating his cocoon and entered metamorphosis without the protection of his shroud; without embracing the dis-integration processes, he’d turn into a puddle of goo. He’d dry up, never to regather himself into his new form.
When we fight our symptoms such as binge eating and excess weight, trying to make them stop and go away, we strip ourselves of our cocoon. We stay stuck in the battle against real transformation.
The caterpillar himself binges and gorges himself silly. The binging has mass amounts of energy behind it, for it provides the power for transformation.
The binging points him in the direction of who he is supposed to become. Without the binging, he’d never go inward in his cocoon nor realize himself a butterfly on the other side of dis-integration.
Binge eating, excess weight, bloating, all our eating challenges are signals that it is time to make our cocoon.
It’s time to go inward and explore the mushiness and the reasons why we are experiencing these unwanted symptoms and behaviors. It is time to dis-integrate from the repeated cycle that never moves us forward into becoming a butterfly.
This is your time to dis-integrate and make your cocoon of transformation. This is your time to see the power in your symptoms and to learn where they are pointing you.
If you know this is your time.
If you are ready to address your binge eating.
If going into your cocoon feels scary and overwhelming to you; a food and body image coach can help.
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